The Song of Sin-Sickness

Psalm 38 is the third of the traditional penitential psalms (after 6 and 32), and it begins with an interesting title: “A Psalm of David, for the memorial offering.” This offering in ancient Israel was a prayer for God to remember them, laying before the Lord a situation and crying out for his help. It might also refer to the psalmist himself remembering his sin. He certainly remembers it in the opening lines of the psalm: “O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath! For your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me. There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin.” David is suffering, and there is only one source: the Lord’s judgment, displeasure, and punishment because David has sinned against him. David’s plea in verse 1 is almost identical to the opening of Psalm 6, and it’s not a plea to be exempt from discipline but for God to be gentle and merciful. He is guilty, and he is paying the cost. “My wounds stink and fester because of my foolishness, I am utterly bowed down and prostrate; all the day I go about mourning.” The burden of guilt is manifesting as physical and emotional pain, which raises an important question: is all sickness a punishment for sin? The biblical answer is clearly no; in fact, this is the error that Job’s friends make. “Oh, you’re suffering? What have you done wrong?” And yet the Bible will also not let us completely separate the two. Sometimes, there is a clear connection between our suffering and our sin, and in these cases our sickness is meant to open our eyes, humble us, and lead us to confession. David sees his situation that way, and he views his pain as a lesson on the seriousness of his rebellion against God. We are so good at explaining sin away when we’re meant to be horrified and revulsed by disobeying the commands of our holy God. C.S. Lewis wrote, “I have found (to my regret) that the degrees of shame and disgust which I actually feel at my own sins do not at all correspond to what my reason tells me about their comparative gravity.” In David’s case, his sin overwhelms him like a heavy weight, and though he knows he deserves God’s wrath, he falls on his knees and pleads for the Judge’s mercy.

In the middle of Psalm 38, David’s lament turns to another effect of his suffering: how his enemies are taking advantage of his weakness. “My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off. Those who seek my life lay their snares; those who seek my hurt speak of ruin and meditate treachery all day long.” The keen observer might notice that the word “meditate” is the same word used in Psalms 1-2 (hagah), which means to murmur and mutter under one’s breath. There are opportunistic people in this world who look for any chance to exploit and destroy. Even David’s friends and family want nothing to do with him. It’s a sad reality that often when we are most vulnerable and most in need of support from our community, the more people avoid us. David is lonely. He is not only a perpetrator of sin against God; he is also a victim of sin from his foes. At the beginning of this section, he brings these groans to his Lord (here not the name Yahweh but adon, the word meaning “master”): “O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.” It’s both comforting and discouraging that God is aware of his distress, because on the one hand, God is always with us, but on the other, God does not always intervene to relieve our suffering. In the end, the light is fading from David’s eyes, and he can’t even speak: “But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear, like a mute man who does not open his mouth. I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes.” Have you ever suffered with such intensity and for so long that you are past the point of tears? In lonely silence and dark distress, David has said all he needs to say. He seems to be waiting for the end to come.

But suddenly, a light in the darkness! Verse 15: “But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer. For I said, ‘Only let them not rejoice over me, who boast against me when my foot slips!’” In verse 1, David cried out to the LORD (the proper name of Yahweh). In verse 9, he appeals to the Lord (adon, “master”). And here in verse 15, he uses both terms and the title “God.” Yes, David has sinned and is suffering the consequences. But God’s covenant loyalty and faithfulness is greater than our sin. He is not abandoned. When he has nothing else, he still has one thing: the single hope of waiting on God. Waiting is a common theme in the Psalms, and it means patient endurance in affliction. Holding on. Not giving up hope. Trusting. It’s not a calm, peaceful patience. It’s holding on for dear life to the strong promises of God. We see in the end of the psalm that David is still fighting for his life: “For I am ready to fall, and my pain is ever before me. [The language there has the idea of chronic instability, tipping on the balance beam.] I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin. But my foes are vigorous, they are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully. Those who render me evil for good accuse me because I follow after good.” Do you hear the complexity of good and evil here? David is guilty; he confesses his sins in the most blunt words. But David is also “following after good” and being chased by enemies who hate him for his goodness. So he is both guilty and innocent at the same time. Again, his faith is not dependent on his moral behavior; it’s dependent entirely on the grace and mercy of the one who knows our sin, punishes our sin, and forgives our sin. Psalm 38 ends with a flurry of short prayers, and then it suddenly ends: “Do not forsake me, O LORD! O my God, be not far from me! Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!” The situation isn’t resolved. David may not even be healed from his sickness or delivered from his foes, but he is exactly where he need to be: waiting and watching for the salvation of the LORD.